UC IRVINE'S NEW MASCOT
WOLFY , THE WOLF
HOW TO ̶Z̶O̶T̶ HOWL!
AROO. AROO. AROO. AROO. AROO. AROO. AROO.
We have all seen it, been there before, and witnessed the ill effects of Peter the Anteater plastered across UCI campus. It's true, that is one ugly distasteful mascot with a fitting name otherwise known as Peter. We are tired of him, and we most definitely want to add him to a defamation league list of some sort, but out of courteous respect to not denounce any productive spirit Peter has added to the University setting, we give the anteater some time to somehow become Great. But, it's time to come to the negotiating table and realize that Change is Happening because, "Yes...We Can". When people throw out a school gang sign or a hand gesture with two fingers in the air, it is representative of daunting courage and its ability to accelerate ideas into reality. That's the kind of school spirit Dan Aldrich originally wanted along with the school regent.
SO IT BEGINS LIKE THIS...
Wolfy was designed and kept in a cryochamber time machine when Peter the Anteater appeared in the scene '69. The local government kept him a secret because he was too dangerous to be in the public eye since he was a victim of bullying as a pup from the other competing mascots in the California: the Bruins and the Bears. Wolfy's exterior coat is made of a nanosuit that regenerates a hard shell material tough as diamonds. He has the ability to create anything with his imagination and has supernatural hearing ability which requires him to wear noise canceling headphones to stay focused. He is an aficionado of good whiskey, plays poker, a businessman, a purveyor of the law, a staunch engineer, and is a secret agent of war. Quite the charming pup!
TOP SECRET- UNSEALED
Released from the archives of DOD (Department of Defense)
Wolfy going back in time to assist with shadow operations alongside Flying Tigers in Burma 41'.
With a musclebound physique that Wolfy has stubbornly maintained a lithe, sculpted frame reminiscent of the gloriously free-flowing superman, his skill and creativity are parallel to his brawn and athleticism. Each time Wolfy peaks while gearing towards an unstoppable attack, he leaps max: 2,000 ft in the air before executing a lethal strike. Wolfy heels kick out as if he were wearing Baryshnikov's slippers to show his ability to remain balance poised for confidence and dignity.
CARRYING THE FLAG
AS IF HE WERE THROWING A "DUFF MAN" PARADE
They call him freedom just like a wavin' flag.
UC Irvine was voted as a top 10 US university that is cool. Wolfy is the epitome of cool. He will sell more merchandise, beverages, venue tickets, bring in new business, and win new accounts almost by magic. It is time for a cohesive school spirit rather than one when students feel shame to be represented by an anteater.
WOLFY @ THE STUDENT CENTER TERRACE
VISITORS RATHER TAKE PICTURES WITH WOLFY
Peter the Anteater at the Student Center Terrace has been a lonely statue and is an empty bench. Sculptor Edward E. Hlavka created the bronze anteater, with support from UCI's class of 2003, but the public failed to learn the ultimate truth. The truth is that no one wants to take a photo with Peter. The anteater lacks charisma and has no sex appeal, and it needs to be replaced. But, we do not want to be profligate with our expenditures, the Regent should definitely inquire about melting Peter down and using the material to craft a better and stronger Wolfy.
NOTHING TO HIDE
TRANSPARENT AND REAL
Let's double bag when we deal with Peter the Anteater and gnaw at the arm for Wolfy!